is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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