Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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