He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
