I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
