my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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