You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i now understand why vodka
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
