Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
