i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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