btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize