Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
