In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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