it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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