I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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