sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
