OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
