I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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