smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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