My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
