Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
