Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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