I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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