I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
