Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
