And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
