YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
