he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
