Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think people are normalizing furries
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
