Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
