wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize