i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
