He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
