idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
