he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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