Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
