I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
