Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
