Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
