And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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