My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
