The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
