so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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