What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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