Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
