Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize