if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
