Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
