At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
