I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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