He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
