pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
