I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
