two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
