oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
