I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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