I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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