and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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