Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
