I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
