I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I understand Curling. That high.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
