That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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