oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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