so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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