I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
