theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
