I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
honey bunches of taint.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
