forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
