$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
