so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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